who is in control?

Word wrote in a comment,
"One of the first things I understood was that it is the sub who is really in control."

A friend wrote to my submissive woman similarly,

"And as we know.  Its the subs who have the real power.  Without you they are nothing.... X x x"

So who really is in control? Who holds the real power?

face slapping again - 4 - my submissive woman's view

I told my submissive woman about my last post - describing my thoughts of slapping her face. She responded with this,

"I need to be slapped. It brings me up short. I need it because it is shocking. It is also demeaning. It reduces me. It cuts me down. It disorientates me. It stops me talking or doing anything I want to do. It is close to my brain and my thoughts. Where I am most vulnerable. It is more likely to make me cry than any other physical beating. Not from pain but..."

It stopped there.

"Not from pain but ..."

face slapping again - 3

I told her about the last post.

She asked me to slap her. So I did. After caressing her cheeks gently. I slapped firmly. First on the right. Then on the left. Then again a little harder.

She gasped.

I kissed her cheeks softly and stroked them again.

Then ...

"More," she said.

"Please more."

face slapping again - 2

The previous post about face slapping was written some weeks ago when we were in the early days of our relationship.

I am finding I am using it more rarely now. Perhaps it has become less necessary. Sometimes a stroke of the cheek with the anticipation of what else might be possible is enough - or just a gentle tap as a reminder.

Or could it be also that as we get closer emotionally I find it a harder thing to do?

face slapping again - 1

I wrote of face slapping here.

I wrote of my reticence in doing this. That it was such a powerful act with many ramifications. One had to be certain to get it right - especially on a first meeting.

However recently, the first time we played, I slapped her face. Then again. Again and again. With each slap her desire grew. The power of it took her over and helped her get into that space of true submission and control she was craving.

I sensed it was right. It was. I would not have done it if I had not been sure. The first slap was perhaps tentative. However from the reaction I knew it worked for her.

I know other subs where I would not have dreamed of doing it. There is something so powerful about it that when it works and it is used appropriately it can be very special. However if you get it wrong - then watch out!

To be continued ...

submission, feminism and equality

The previous post I wrote on this here has  generated some very interesting comments. If you have not read the comments then I recommend you do have a look.

Meanwhile I have been exchanging a few messages with waterfall whose initial message to me stimulated me to write the post.

She wrote that

"Whilst i consider my own submission to be given through bravery and strength rather than by fear or capitulation my point is that surely, by its very nature, an M/s relationship is not an equal one?"

My reply was,

"I think that for many their submission is given through "strength and bravery". I often say that one has to be strong to be a sub. As you say you have not capitulated through fear. You have a position of strength within the relationship - that strength enabling you to submit to the will and control of another.


Perhaps this does not imply inequality. Rather a relationship of equals where each takes on different roles for the pleasure and fulfilment of the other.


Surely too a sub has a right to certain expectations of their Dom. These might include being respected, cared for, being kept safe, loved even. Perhaps this is a fair exchange for the submission given in return. Can this not still be a relationship of equals? Each benefiting equally from the relationship in different ways?


That is not to say that within the dynamic of the relationship rights and control are freely given by one to the other. However they are given on the expectation of care and a meeting of the submissive needs of the other.


While this may seem an unequal relationship from the outside I believe that it can and in many cases is a relationships of equals. Does it not have to be for it to work properly - for it to be use and not abuse by one of the other?


Or perhaps I am arguing the point too strongly!


I doubt I have persuaded you!!!!"

So can a D/s relationship be a relationship of equals?

submission and feminism

In my profile on a UK BDSM social networking site I mention in my profile "feminist submissive women". It has occasionally raised comments and I received another memo recently from a sub who wrote,

"I find it difficult to equate submission with feminism. Do explain?"

So I replied trying my best. Though I'm not sure how articulate I was. My hurried reply then was,

"Thank you for your interest.

I like powerful women. I believe in women's equality. I don't believe that certain jobs should be done by men and others by women. I think that men should play a more involved role in bringing up children. So I may be considered a feminist myself.

My sub has been a very strong and active feminist throughout her life.

Yet she chooses to submit to me.

It is her choice.

She is a strong woman and it is my use of her strength that enables me to control and use her. I would not want a doormat."

It got me thinking again about this subject. I was surprised to find that the last time I wrote about feminism on here was in 2008. It started an interesting discussion and you can read it again here.

There are feminists who write about BDSM and submission. (Kind readers may help me out by offering some links!) I don't believe they are incompatible at all. However I do know feminist sub friends who have found it difficult. They have felt at times as if their submission to a man was almost a betrayal of the struggles of feminists in the past in their demands for equality.

On a simple level of course D/s is not always M/f. There are of course probably as many F/m, F/f and M/m relationships.

Though that does not necessarily answer the problem for a submissive feminist within a M/f relationship.

It has come to the fore in discussions in the media recently. Some D/s literature and films have become almost mainstream and this has become a point of interest. There is an article in Newsweek here which discusses it. It includes a short passage which does address the issue in terms of feminism.

Is it an issue which readers have trouble with? Do I have many feminist submissive readers? More to the point, I wonder if I have many feminist Dom readers?

on top ...

Being "on top" is a symbol of domination. The word "Top" has even come to mean a dominant in a bdsm or D/s context. My submissive woman likes me on top when we are having sex. She likes to feel the full weight of me on her.

Yes - of course there is a power and a control in being on top when having sex. I enjoy it. However I also like being underneath.

I enjoy laying there and having her do all the work. To suck me hard then climb on top and pierce herself on me. I like to watch her face as she loses control of her body as orgasm approaches and asks permission to come. I like her working herself on me, pleasuring me as she changes angle and pace. Then I may stop her, make her suck me again before once more climbing on top to work hard at pleasuring me.

Recently she complained that she was getting tired. Of course I admonished her for her laziness and encouraged her to further efforts as I rested beneath her, enjoying the fruits of her labours.

Do other Doms not enjoy making their subs go on top and do most of the hard work while they rest and delight in the sensations? I think too that subs who want their Doms on top are just expecting them to do all the hard work! Perhaps it is time for a change.

Though I do at the end enjoy finishing on top - if only to make a point!

bondage marks

Uncle Agony has received an email published here about marks left by bondage equipment including ropes. Do add a comment if you have any advice.

apologies ...

... for not posting so regularly recently. My real life adventures seem to have got in the way.

Apologies especially to Naughty Lizard who wrote to Uncle Agony a couple of weeks ago and I have still not published her email there. I promise to do so next week.

It seems almost yesterday that I was celebrating having 100 followers to the blog. I see that as of today I am only one short of 300. So thank you very much to all of you who do follow and read the posts here. I hope it will encourage me to try to write more regularly again.

In the meantime do enjoy this weekend. For those of you eating chocolate, Beau has found something nice for you to suck on here.

learning

Learning is good and we are never too old to learn. We should also always remember, however knowledgeable and experienced we may claim to be, that there are always different ways of looking at things, new perspectives, new challenges to be overcome.

I am finding learning in a new relationship to be fun and invigorating. It is also good to see her learning and to be part of that.

She has a lot to learn ...

... now where is my cane?!

Forgive me - I am joking. The cane does not come out for punishment but for fun. However that can be learning too ...

new

I have received a couple of emails recently from people new to BDSM and D/s. They are looking for advice and it can be very hard to give.

I know I have had relationships, online and in real life with subs searching for an understanding of the feelings they struggle to explore. Within such a relationship it is possible to provide support and guidance within the framework of trust and friendship. However even this has occasionally had associated problems.

How then does one provide advice to a stranger? Someone eager to learn and to explore and understand their own very special feelings.

I would be interested in readers views about that question. However do also read and respond to Alex on Uncle Agony here.

she is my submissive woman

Yes -

she is my submissive woman.

I am fortunate and grateful.

Thank you my precious one.

woman

Such a woman.

Woman encompasses so much. She is wet for me immediately. Salaciously and sluttishly ready for my use at any time.

Her cunt is my cunt. Owned and used.

Her breast are my breasts. To play with tease and hurt.

She has a woman's desires. So much desire. Such salacious needs. Slut.

A salacious slut - all woman.

submissive

As a submissive she strives to give up that control - to allow herself to be controlled, to revel in being controlled, to delight in the freedom that control gives her.

So eager to please. To please me. Her master. To please her master.

To kneel for me. To practice different postures that might better express her submission.

To offer herself to be beaten, to accept pain, to plead for it ... to please me.

To give all of her body to me, for my use, to do with whatever I desire.

So delightfully and sensually and salaciously submissive.


To be continued ...